tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
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