end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
