Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
