paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
You can't motorboat a personality
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
