i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
