Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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