Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
