This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
He felt like a one man threesome
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
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