He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
