so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
