just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Randomize
