Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
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