Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
