omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
