I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
