Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Randomize
