Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Randomize
