Swine flu. Run for my life!
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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