WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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