My Higher Power is John Stamos
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize