theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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