and you said cock pushups were impossible
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize
