btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
