I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
