I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Randomize
