I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
