you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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