I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize