You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
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