Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize