It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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