my vag is so smooth its legendary
well you can't waste a boner
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
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