This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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