sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
