My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
