I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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