remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
last night I used snow as a chaser
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
