Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
