do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize