I faked an abortion last night.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
