Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize