never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
