Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
