I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
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