I just saw a hot homeless man
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
