There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
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