I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Randomize