im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
