even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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