Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
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