Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
The uberlube is also flammable
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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