Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Randomize