remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
