it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Randomize
