so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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