so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
