is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I am midnight drunk by noon
and i looked up. we had an audience...
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
