my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize
