fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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