GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
