I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
