I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize
