I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
