i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
