God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize