We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
