I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
