Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
