Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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